We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
