My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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