the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
