she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize