He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize