Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
