watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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