In America we eat man semen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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