i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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