I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he puts the penis in happiness.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
