I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
