a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
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