dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
