Midget sex pt 2 tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize