I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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