went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
