I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My feet surprised me
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