she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
