PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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