Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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