he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
