remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
