And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
