Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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