just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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