be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
