he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize