My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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