It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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