Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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