so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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