This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize