Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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