Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
