You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Terrible idea I love it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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