Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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