i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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