Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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