Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
