You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
