it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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