'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sorry about my life...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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