They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
