So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
