I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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