20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
