dude i'm inner monologue high
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize