You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize