Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
