What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
