Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
