i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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