he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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