Your mouth is God's brothel.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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