end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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