he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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