He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
