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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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