lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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