Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
