How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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