hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
