Kiss
Puke
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
