she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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