She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
