why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
