I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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