I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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