Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
