Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need to calm my uterus...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize