My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
