I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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