That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
